What is RubyFeather?


We sit across from each other in the waiting room of the Infertility Clinic. Sometimes we are with a partner or a friend. Sometimes we come alone. We see each other at our IVF and IUI orientations – 5 hours of medial info and tears. Small talk at break over coffee. Downcast eyes. Beyond that, we don’t speak.

Now we are embroiled in the process. We talk to friends about it, but they don’t understand. How can they truly? Our partner is in the thick of it with us. Sometimes people ask us too many questions, or just tell us to “relax and it’ll happen!!”

We see each other again at the ultrasound clinic. First it’s the “high achievers” in suits, in line before 6am, then, the rest of us, somewhat discheveled. We each carry a folder full of numbers and stats, a map of the maze-like hospital, and our medical protocall. Red folders for IVF. Green for egg donation. Still, we don’t speak.

Eventually, we get so overcome by the process that we crave the comraderie of other women going through the experience. We join online chats and groups, and read countless blogs. We speak through the computer. A little echo in a long tunnel of silence. 

So many times, I’ve wanted to talk to you. I wanted to say “I UNDERSTAND.” I’ve wanted to give you a hug if you needed it, or a smile just to commiserate. It sucks. It really does! And noone knows it better than someone experiencing it as you are.

I’m the woman that sits across from you getting her blood drawn for the millionth time. You can also find me down in the ultrasound room. I’m the lady on line in the grocery store, buying pineapple and avoiding dairy. I’m your online BFF.

Let’s smile at one another next time. A big cheshire cat smile. Emanating like light from a once dark space.

10 responses to this post.

  1. I love this post as I often try to make eye contact with others in the waiting room at my IVF clinic. Everyone just looks at the floor and it’s a shame as we are all there with a similar story. Hopefully this post will help others look away from the floor and into someone’s face for a change.


  2. Posted by romancingthestone on October 12, 2009 at 1:45 am

    Thanks for that : )
    I just decided to start a Meetup group in the Boston Area for women who are trying to conceive. We aim to support, inspire and empower each other on this journey! If you are interested in joining, or have a friend in Mass., please email me, or check out our link at http://www.meetup.com/RubyFeather-Boston/

    Again thanks for the comment and a little bit of good energy!


  3. Great post. I wish I lived in Boston–but if you come to NJ, you will have a good place to kvetch.


  4. […] the Stone – because I LOVE this post of hers so […]


  5. Loved this post. I’m pretty new to my REs office (only in my first IUI cycle) and I always want to say something to the other women in the waiting room…but where to start?! Best of luck on your journey.



  6. You write beautifully. You would have been a treasure to me back in the days when I was the loneliest woman in the waiting room…my husband being 3000 miles away. I did manage to say hello to the women in the waiting room sometimes, but when they were with their partners they mostly confined themselves to their couple-dom (not a real word, I know).

    I hope that the New Year brings you the news you want to hear and the joy you deserve.

    Lisa (Your Great Life – ICLW #51)


  7. May the new year bring you peace!



  8. I love this post…really special and moving, thank you Shell.


  9. Beautifully written. Poetic. After 4+ years of clinics, we still walk with our heads down not wanting to speak to anyone. Maybe we should…


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