Sleepy Hollow

I have so much to do today, but I need to “get this out”. I am not sure what words or patterns will form here, but I need to open the padlock to my hope chest and set a few butterflies free.

I tried to call my RE to postpone this IVF cycle. With the passing of my Uncle and the stresses at home and work, I just felt like it was all too much right now. I went over timing with the nurse and it’s pretty impossible to just push it out a month because their lab closes for the holidays and they have cutoff dates in November. If we wait until January we have to get approved again from our insurance, and our deductible will be HUGE.

blog woman_cryingMy body and mind need TIME, but there is now way to barter for time right now.

So we began the basline tests yesterday. I went to the Ultrasound lab at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston and tried to send a little good energy to the ladies who sat near me in the waiting room. I need to reach out with a smile and a whisper of “good luck” to my sisters on this journey, because I know how desperately I flourish under the support and kindness of others.

We started the Gonal F last night and now do menopur in the am. That sh!# burns! Tomorrow I may have to give myself the injection (and it scares me). Me, in my seemingly professional power-suit, sweating and shaking over the kitchen sink with a needle in my belly. The image makes me want to cry…

Breathe, kiddo. That’s about all you can do right now.

Gosh, I could use a hug (or a valium : ) )!


11 responses to this post.

  1. Never realized how great valium was until my first ET! 🙂 {hugs} You will surprise yourself tomorrow when you just stick that needle right in!


  2. Posted by phoebephoenix on November 15, 2009 at 2:51 pm

    I’m sorry you have to do IVF right now while you are grieving and have other stresses. IVF is stressful enough! So sorry for the loss of your uncle.

    There are at least three of us in the fertile forties who are cycling right now in the blogosphere, Kate from I Can’t Whistle, Peanut Noodle, and myself. You are in good company!

    I like to do my own shots, at least the SQ ones. With the Menopur, I shoot it in slowly so the burn doesn’t hurt so much. I know that with my first IVF, I was so stressed about the shots. Now, they don’t bother me at all. Someone once told me that the shots are not the hard part. I found that hard to believe at the time, but I would echo that sentiment now.


    • Posted by romancingthestone on November 16, 2009 at 7:18 pm

      Thanks for the advice Phoebe. I’ll follow you guys on the blogosphere to see how you are doing! Hugs, Shell


  3. I had the same problem with my clinic and feel a teenie bit rushed to get my IVF cycle underway before Christmas comes and mucks things up. I should start my shots in a week or so so will be just behind you. The first injection is always the worst, even if you are a seasoned IVFer. Good luck!!


  4. Posted by gracieinbrooklyn on November 15, 2009 at 6:32 pm

    Hugs coming your way. I’m so sorry to read about the loss of your uncle. And am also frustrated that your clinic is rushing you! Deep breath, you’ll do fine on the injections.


  5. Posted by Alexicographer on November 16, 2009 at 1:43 pm

    Here from LFCA. I’m so sorry about your uncle’s death and your needing to move forward straight away with cycling.

    FWIW, I found eating 3 or so squares of good dark chocolate after my shot and then (for me) taking my dog for a walk around the block or folding laundry to be the best way to deal with the burn. I hope you’re able to find a way to minimize the discomfort (the only thing I found that helped with that was distraction).

    Good luck to you.


  6. so sorry to hear about you uncle and not being able to push back your cycle. we had our first failed transfer and my great aunt died all at the same time, and i was not even the one cycling. i cannot imagine what you are going through. sending you healing thoughts.


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