Velvet Hammer

Basking in the afterglow of a bad back and a good Dr. appt yesterday. I just ran across this his-and-hers blog that I found hysterical. The guy writes to other soon-to-be dad’s in a way men seem to appreciate. He had a great comparison to embie size and hammer heads or a nicely shaped boob (those were the days!). Check it out. feels like you are privy to guy-talk on a boys fishing weekend. HIS BOYS CAN SWIM

As for my own “size chart”, the Bear was deeply offended when I said our growing embie resembled a worm or a cute maggot. I’m not sure I understand why?! 

The Bear has been reading all of my baby books and takes pleasure in reporting to me what shape-shifting my body will soon undertake. I find it slightly unfair. He’s delighted in all these changes and I’m slightly alarmed. (Plus, he seems to know about them BEFORE I do).

Here are some things that you DON’T want your husband to point out to you!:

*Your “lady lobes” get hyper-sensitive, as well as bigger, and ridge-ier and DARKER !!! Consider them Great Balls of Fire.

*Your gas, if properly ignited, could light up a room!

*You are tired all the time, even when you are sleeping.

*You get thicker in the middle, so much for “baby got back”!

*You’re ALTER EGO is probably pregnant too, which is why you are both crybaby-cranks.

*You miss those leisurely mornings in the bathroom, reading magazines on the throne, because you never seem to “Go” anymore.

*You have bionic SMELL power . This can be a big problem at times. I was reading an article where a woman said she was so taken aback by her hubby’s man-scent that she had to leave the bedroom window open all winter.

Oh there’s more, but this is neither the time nor the place….

On a good note, you can be a supreme manipulator during the first trimester, if you can gain enormous sympathy from the men in your life and really milk the situation (pardon the pun). You will never carry a heavy bag again (at least until the GLOW wears off). The Bear is so into this that he’s even learned how to make me the perfect cup of tea and homemade soup. He’s also taken to renting us chick flicks and reading me the horoscope.  I hope THIS PART lasts!

How are YOU doing today? I want to know!

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