The Story of the Stone

A friend, whom I adore, asked me this weekend why I call this blog “Romancing the Stone.” I couldn’t answer her at the time, because it wasn’t the right moment. Although I once loved Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas, it really has nothing to do with the film of the same name. 

Many years ago, I was diagnosed with severe fibroid tumors. They were causing my body great distress and sending me to the emergency room on occasion. This came to light at the same time that my sister was due with her first child. I still remember the day that I was painting a mural for my niece-to-be when I had to be rushed to the hospital. If I chose to proceed without surgery, the fibroids would greatly compromise my quality of life and my ability to one day conceive. If I removed them , at the urgent request of my doctors, the scarring they would leave behind might decrease my ability to conceive and increase my chance of miscarriage.

(Fibroids are very common. Some cases are severe while most are mild or can be overlooked. Mine just happened to be pretty bad).

My little sister was bringing this joyful miracle into the world. At the same time I was diagnosed with tennis ball size tumors the size of a 3 month old fetus.

It is still hard for me to speak about this. The decision was truly difficult, and made me realize that I DID long for children one day. Sometimes, it takes a crisis to make us realize what is really in our hearts.

I had a myomectomy, which left a C-section like scar at my bikini line, and a hole in my heart. For years, I worried that nothing would take root in my womb. That it would remain cold and hard as a stone. 

This blog became my plea to that deep part of me to “wake up” and take flower. That is where “Romancing the Stone” came from. A little hope and coaxing every day. A little bit closer to my truth and my hope for my future.

It has been a long journey to get to this place where I stand now. Every day I wonder if something will happen to rock my foundation. But I try to nurture myself and my community of sisters every day, and I feel as if I have come so very far. 

So tomorrow, the Bear and I will see our “little flower” and pay homage to huge miracles that come in small sizes. We visit the doctor for our 18 week ultrasound. I still have my fears and doubts every day. But I remain in hopeful disbelief and pay great respect to the G-d of small miracles.

A stone does not have to stay a stone forever. Rocky soil can often nurture a seed to flower. It may take more time, and sometimes it may not be as you have planned, but trust it. It will happen.

Sending love.

5 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Linda on March 22, 2010 at 3:50 pm

    My darling Sweet Pea, We love you so much and we are with you and Bear in spirit and thought.
    We can’t wait to find out if I should start kniting in pink and blue. I think that thru your journey, all moms to be are anxious, happy nervous, have natural thoughts about their baby, and the what ifs..but believe me everyone does. The most magical moment is when you hold her/ or him in your arms you immediately have true love. I am not such a good writer, but everything is going to be great and you and Bear and your baby will be just the beginning of a wonderful and happy life.. and as the grandma to be I am so excited for you. Remember alway and forever, you will still be my baby..Love Mom


  2. lovely post.

    And I simply cannot believe that you are 18 weeks already. Wow, almost half way! Incredible how fast time has gone (and yet it can go so slowly at the same time).

    Thinking of you and good luck for the scan tomorrow.


  3. Posted by Me on March 23, 2010 at 5:38 am

    Lucky you, that you overcame what you did and now find yourself knocked up with sprog, very envious.

    Hope the scan goes well and that motherhood is all you hope it to be.



  4. Wonderful! You give me hope as I had 10 fibroids removed last December!



  5. It sounds like you have a baby boy now. This is encouraging to hear as I am having a myomectomy to remove a large fibroid this Friday.


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