In the Hospital- week 29

I once spoke of this infertility journey as being an ongoing challenge. I truly meant it. I don’t think a light goes on and you are free from the emotions and experiences that bind you to this fertility rollercoaster. It does not end once a child is conceived , or born. It’s something you take with you, something that changes you.

This doesn’t need to be a bad change. While there are moments of heartache and deep despair, sometimes these challenges make us stronger, and add on to the people that we become.

While I would not wish these fertility challenges on anyone, I do wish that we all recognize our own strength and beauty, and realize the light within each of us.

I mention this because I am on bed rest at Brigham and Women’s Hospital and will be here from one to six weeks. Our baby, conceived after our third IVF is sleeping inside me. I have become a human incubator. We were at the Home Depot last weekend when I felt a gush of water and had to go to the ER. At the time I was only 28 weeks. They did an ultrasound and determined that I had a thinning cervix. (It’s called an incompetent cervix or a nonexistant cervix). I have not dilated yet, but my water has ruptured slightly.

The baby’s vitals are very good, and so are mine. He may come anytime from now to 35 weeks. They are trying to prolong it if possible, so I am on strict bed rest with only 5 minute showers and an occasional bathroom break. It was shocking and scary at first. I am keeping a positive attitude and trying to bribe the nurses with sweets. The care here is exceptional and I truly believe that the Partners/BWH network is absolutely outstanding. They explain everything to you and never leave you in the dark. I have met many of the Dr.’s from New England OBGYN and I truly recommend that group if you are looking for a good GYNO or OB in the Boston Metro Area.

There’s a reason why we women subject ourselves to injections and prodding and all the nuances of this cold process. They wheeled my gurney past the nursery yesterday, and I saw what that reason was. As horrible and scary as this is, it has brought my family together, and made me realize how strong I am.How strong and devoted a mother I will be. I have found peace with it. Jake will come in his own time, and we will be here.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

My very best wishes to you,

5 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by lifebytheday on June 4, 2010 at 2:26 pm

    So scary! Sending lots of prayers and good vibes your way.


  2. Posted by dreamseeker on June 4, 2010 at 4:07 pm

    Oh Shell, so sorry to hear about this turn of events but loving your strength and wise words. Take it easy and look after you both, consider it sacred special time to tune in together….Sending love and hang-on-in-there wishes to the babe! xxxx


  3. thinking of you shell. you are one amazing woman and it always amazes me how positive you remain throughout this. i;m thinking of you. xxx


  4. Something similar happened to me at 33 weeks. My baby made it to term and turns one next week. I truly hope you get the same results.

    If you want to talk, please email me

    I remember the feelings in the hospital and how hard it was, and I understand.


  5. Posted by Betsy on June 7, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    Sending all good thoughts your way from Boston. BWH is a great place so you are in terrific hands.

    Of course I don’t know you, but your strength, determination and kindness comes through on all your posts.

    Take care!


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