I’m sitting here with my baby wedged under my left arm and my laptop dangling precariously between my knees. Jacob is finally asleep and I dare not wake him. His tiny fingers are laced across the strap of my  camisole. He needs his nails cut.

There’s not much I can say tonight because I am in an exhaustion stupor. I’d love to unpack from our move, but it’s easier to sit here and stare at my hands. I have been nursing non-stop and I feel as if my essence has been drained along with any bit of nourishment I can provide for him. I’ve been wearing the same three pairs of knit pants for about six weeks…

It’s not that I am ungrateful for this gift, but it is harder than I thought it would be. I think people should feel comfortable mentioning that. I am so happy to have him, but I am still learning how to be a good mother.

I am sure we will find our way. I know we will….

Jacob on a Pizza Box- Special Delivery

4 responses to this post.

  1. Everything you feel is totally normal — exactly how I felt and still feel sometimes! At 7.5 mos I can tell you that it gets easier as the months go on, though like I said there are still days when I’m wiped out and thinking to myself how hard it all is. When he starts becoming more interactive it will feel easier too — you’ll have more daily rewards back from him that balance out the tough moments.

    You’re in the Boston area, right? I highly recommend the new moms groups (starting with Great Beginnings) at Isis Parenting if you haven’t joined already. I’m on my third class and I can tell you that the first one in particular saved my sanity…got me out of the house with other moms who felt exactly the same way and provided weekly advice that made all of our lives easier. I can’t recommend it highly enough!


  2. Of course it is okay to feel this way…it is NOT easy!!!


  3. When I was pregnant with Willow, one of the few things that still scared me…those first few months of having a newborn. OMG, I kept telling people that I wished I could just fast forward to a one year old. It was that bad my first time (add in some PPD for some way cool fun!); and the second time–uh, yeah…it still can suck! Yeah, there are many moments that are great, and damn aren’t they cute–but it is a HARD hard time sometimes. The good news–this too shall pass. 🙂

    I agree with Good Egg…getting into a mommy’s group–or at least scheduling activities outside the house does help immensely in the sanity department. My hospital had a Nursing Mom’s Group that met weekly.

    And I think there are classes for Baby Yoga (yoga with your kid) once they hit 6-8 weeks….


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: