Posts Tagged ‘motherhood’


I’m sitting here with my baby wedged under my left arm and my laptop dangling precariously between my knees. Jacob is finally asleep and I dare not wake him. His tiny fingers are laced across the strap of my  camisole. He needs his nails cut.

There’s not much I can say tonight because I am in an exhaustion stupor. I’d love to unpack from our move, but it’s easier to sit here and stare at my hands. I have been nursing non-stop and I feel as if my essence has been drained along with any bit of nourishment I can provide for him. I’ve been wearing the same three pairs of knit pants for about six weeks…

It’s not that I am ungrateful for this gift, but it is harder than I thought it would be. I think people should feel comfortable mentioning that. I am so happy to have him, but I am still learning how to be a good mother.

I am sure we will find our way. I know we will….

Jacob on a Pizza Box- Special Delivery

The 20’s Me…


20's me at UF


I used to think that an extraordinary life had to be unconventional. It was hard for me to see the beauty of families sharing dinner together at Bugaboo Creek, or toddlers building mud pies in the backyard. Children, to a serious single girl, seemed like needy energy vampires. I longed for trips to Nice, France and moody cafe’ talks in the Village.

My how things have changed! I wonder what my 20’s self would think of my 40’s self? Would she be impressed by my accomplishments, or think I am becoming provincial and “selling out?” Luckily I DID have my time in Nice and it was more than nice. And after many firecracker boyfriends, I longed for a partner who would adore me honestly. One that I could share a future with.

20's me in NYC


I think the 20’s me would like the 40’s me. I am sure she’s be surprised that I got married at Fenway Park and not on some beach in the Mediterranean. She might even be dazed that I switched careers and am not the famous costume designer she once aspired to be. And what would she think of the Bear? Well, I think she would love him, for one. And she’d be happy that I met a man who can call me on my sh*t and adore me, all at the same time. She never really knew a man who she could take on his word back then.

My 20’s me would cry when she heard about our losses and our struggle to add on to our family. She’d be impressed that I pursued adoption and parenting (and homeownership) before I married, and that I have always been my own woman. 

I think the 20’s me would be proud of the way I mentor and coach my team. She’d recognize that I see so much of her spirit and talent in these beautiful young designers. She’d be happy that I still try to reach out to people whenever I can.

So I guess when I sit across from her in my mind, I can see that we are still linked in some deeply moving  way. She embodies my potential and I embody her truth. I can see too, that the eyes of my children will harbor her spirit and her passion. I can only hope that they recognize what a gift it is to be alive, and that they try to live each day fully. And if that day takes them to the sandbox in the backyard, I hope that they treasure every moment! An extraordinary life is one that is well lived.

40's me with the Bear

40's me with the Bear


Mr. & Mrs. Boston Bear

The Great Garbage Patch

Someone once told me that when you embark on the journey toward motherhood, you become more sensitive to the world than ever before. I do not know this to be true, because I have always been a very empathetic and sensitive person. But something DOES stir within you- the desire to right wrongs, the hope to protect- not just your child but those to be born after. We are all connected by a long red thread. It goes back to the first word, the first touch. We are all here for a reason, and the things we leave behind may live on even longer than our children.

I woke last night from a dream about the Great Garbage Patch. This seems like urban legend, this huge island of floating garbage (mostly plastic) that is larger than Texas. How could this have grown to such astronomical scale that “someone” hasn’t  spoken out about it , DONE SOMETHING ABOUT IT. So of course, this morning, I started to research it a little more. What IS the great garbage patch? How did it come to be and what can we do about it?

I am no scientist, but being a smart, educated person who can decide where my money and time should go, I can explore my options, and make more strategic choices.

Maybe in our own small way, we can make personal choices to help move things forward. For one, I hope to use less plastic. Especially plastic that does not say BPA free. I am reading case studies that many plastics leaches bisphenol A, which can mimic the female hormone, estrogen and cause birth and gender defects in animals. This one study tested plastic baby bottles. Can I tell you how my heart skipped a beat!

I think we are ALL mothers and fathers of the world. I believe it is the small things we do that can make a difference. The things we advocate for, and model in our own lives.

For more information, please check out the following links:

National Geographic BPA- Bisphenol A good video on the problem and it’s possible effects, including a study on BPA plastic baby bottles.

USA Today: Great Tips for Moms Regarding BPA

Oprah: The Great Garbage Patch Note: Some very disturbing images.

The Great Garbage Patch very good resource for environmental information.

Select clips on You Tube