Posts Tagged ‘RubyFeather’

My favorite post!

So many times, I have wanted to speak to you, to say “I understand…”

I love RubyFeather!

Getting ready for bed. The Bear has been pretty amazing lately, opening car doors for me and chauffeuring me around like a superstar. I feel like a nymphette.

I had a great afternoon with the girls from RubyFeather today! We met at a cafe in Harvard Square and talked for hours. What a fantastic group of engaging, intelligent and dynamic ladies. If you live in the Boston area and are looking for some girl-power and support through fertility challenges or pregnancy after infertility or loss, please consider joining us! It’s like breaking down the fourth wall of anonymity and isolation, and replacing it with face to face friendships and support.

And if you don’t live in the chilly NorthEast, please help us spread the word that there IS support in this area through TWITTER or  facebook. TELL YOUR FRIENDS. We really want to be there for them.

Sending blessings and the best of wishes….


Child’s pose


I made a new friend through the MeetUp group I started and we met for the first time at our local yoga studio in Mass. It was my first time at pre-natal yoga. I have to admit this was a big leap for me. To sit in a room with such bourgeoning, gorgeous bellies and feel like I truly BELONGED THERE. There were moments that I was overcome with emotion. How many years have I waited to be pregnant. And in this class, I was just like the other ladies – although perhaps less limber- no big tatoo of “IF” where my heart center should be. Just a girl doing her best downward dog, and trying to savor the moment.

There were women of all shapes and sizes, all ages. All glowing.

I feel like I made it though another “doorway” in my experience and even though I am still in disbelief  that this IS happening, I am opening up to it, and trying to be there for our Firefly.

We had a great double date with two cherished friends last night. It has been ages since I have put on a pretty dress and lipstick. It was exactly what the Bear and I needed. In addition, I’ve been spending a lot of time with a wonderful girlfriend – lots of tea and girl-talk, and I feel like a flower in the sun. Very nourished.

And speaking of being nourished- I just made something called “comfort chicken” tonight, which should be done in about 5 minutes. It’s a stew of  fresh veggies and sauteed chicken in vegetable stock, with a crusty potato topping.I have no idea how it will taste, but I love cooking and it’s great to use up all the vegetables we get from our weekly farm share.I can totally use a little “comfort” tonight!

Tomorrow the Bear and I meet our new OB for the first time. I always get a little nervous before Dr. appt’s . Particularly ones where we do ultrasounds or hear the Firefly’s heartbeat. All we can do is stay positive and know that being a little nervous is totally normal. 


Fireflies, yoga and girl-power! (ICLW)

Baby Bear

Monday is our first official meeting with our new OB. I have heard mixed reviews about her. She comes highly recommended by my RE who says she’s a “brilliant surgeon and seasoned Doctor.” But when I read more about her through patient reviews, the reception is extremely mixed. I have heard” Wonderful.” “Entirely inappropriate” “Was too busy to call me to follow up after my MC.” and “Fantastic”.

So there are lots of red flags in my book. I don’t want someone too touchy feely, and I would prefer a Dr. who has seen a little bit of everything. I promised myself, the Bear and our little Firefly that I would bail if she gave me the creeps. I interview and hire people often as a Creative Lead at my job, so I am not going to be intimidated by this situation, even if she IS elbow deep in my va-jayjay.

What is it one should look for in the Dr. who with join you on this ride? Spirit, intellect, compassion, respect? The ability to perform well in a crisis?

Everything in my frame of reference seems new these days. The conscious expansion of my hips and midline. These new weird clothes I bought with this fake elastic panel. Baby stuff. It’s pretty lovely and scary and overwhelming.

The Fertility Support Group I began is doing very well. We have over 43 members so far in the metro Boston area. Some from as far as New Hampshire and Maine. I have never met more courageous and beautiful women, and I am honored to be a part of this. Our next MeetUp will be a cookie swap extravaganza. It might seem kinda frivolous, but what could be a better bonding experience than sharing stories over freshly baked treats and cold milk? Sometimes it’s that little digression that makes it more relaxed and REAL. Kitchen table wisdom.If you are curious (or close to the metro Boston area, come check us out). We also have a fan page on facebook, if you would like to join remotely (still trying to figure out how to use this!!!!!) We are called RubyFeather Social Club. Please help us spread the word so every lady around these parts can find some face to face girl-power.

I am finding that the RubyFeather girls have really taken to using the message board to share events, fears and challenges. We have begun to have a very thriving on-line community, which enhances our ability to support and empower other ladies on the journey.

There are 5 of us who are newly pregnant. One of which has since become inactive. The others continue to support and encourage their sisters, just like they did before. I love that about women.

One of our newer members and I are going to try out a prenatal yoga class tomorrow. I don’t know what I will feel like, being surrounded by bourgeoning bellies, as I have spent so many years on the OUTSIDE of this circle and it has been painful to watch. I just want to make it through our 10 week Dr.’s appointment with positive results. I want to hear the Firefly’s heartbeat again. Then I can rejoice (for a lil while) and believe this is really, truly and completely happening.

Much love to you. How will you be spending your weekend?

A Secret…

Trying to sit in the moment today. I awoke to the most beautiful snowfall. Well, from the inside of my cozy condo its beautiful. If I was a traffic cop or a manhole worker I might not think so. I guess it’s all about perspective.

The Bear has asked me to stop reading so many blogs right now. I think he has a point, although I really don’t believe in censorship. It’s just that I can be in the most positive and centered place, and then I start reading. I think I wear my soul on the outside because I really FEEL everything and my heart is going out to many ladies right now. I can’t begin to expres how much I feel when I hear someone is hurting.

I wish I could just stay in my grounded place, exhaling deeply, and not wear so much of this on my heart. But Infertility is so hard, and once you experience it you feel somehow bonded with others on the journey with you. Even if you haven’t met them (yet).

I guess that’s why we created RubyFeather. As a way of reaching out.

Someone once asked me why I chose to call this blog Romancing the Stone. It’s not because of the film. I feel that infertility is this dance that you seem to do with yourself. You may have a partner in it (or not) or family and friends for support (or not) but inevitably you feel incredibly ALONE. Sometimes you look at your body as if you are an outsider, examining and judging every nuance, every curve and blunder. But if you can learn NOT to judge it, to somehow love it’s flaws and it’s honest womanliness would you be happier? For a time, after a major fibroid surgery, I was mad at my body. I thought that life would never take root inside it. Now I am trying every day to love it a little more. Whether a child comes into our lives through our bodies and our cells, or through adoption, I know the Bear and I will have a family. I used to think of my uterus as a STONE. A non-living hard stone. Now I try to think of it as a FLOWER. No matter what springs forth from it.

So that’s me today. I am hoping for a day of rest where I can eat matzoh ball soup and wear my pj’s all day and snuggle up with my big Bear. The fireplace is to my left, David Brubeck is playing on the Ipod, and the snow is draping the windows of nearby Victorians outside my living room.

Sit in grace, I hear my little voice saying. Ground yourself. Exhale…..

Wishing you peace and a warm refuge.

The Pink Elephant

It’s so hard to talk around the “pink elephant” in the room. To not put a flag in the sand and proclaim our preggy test results one way or another. Know that I am thinking of you and this is the best thing for my self (my sanity) and my family. I will try to keep posting until we are ready to talk about the pink elephant and not just drop fluffy articles into the blogosphere.

I’d like to say HELLO to all the ladies from cyclesista and that have recently checked out this blog. It means a lot to me that you have dropped bye. I also wanted to thank everyone that has been here before and has come back again. Please leave a comment if you feel inclined, so that I may follow YOUR posts, or just know what’s on your mind….

I’ve been following the message board on RubyFeather and I am so pleased that the ladies in this network are using the website as a vehicle to reach out to each other for support and friendship. It was so important for me to start this Social Network as I feel this IF journey make all of us feel like we are enveloped in a dark and isolated place. But just think of all the energy a and STRENGTH the woman on this journey possess. Collectively, we have so much hope and love to give. We have so much strength, experience and wisdom. How can we channel this for good things, for empathy and girl-power (and humor when we feel bereft)?

I believe that this experience has truly changed me. I am not the woman I was before I started this journey. At times I have lost my  humor and my grace. At times I have felt powerless and lost. Still I have to say that I have found immeasurable strength inside myself during those dark times. I have also realized the depth of my relationship as we have been through such challenges this year, and not just on the baby-making front.

I would not wish this on anyone, but since I was “blessed” with these fertility challenges, I feel that I might as well look at the things it has brought me. I have a new appreciation for SIMPLE things, like sleeping late, weeks without Dr. visits, sex for pleasure and procreation and the “light “within.

Wishing you blessings and the best of luck!

What simple things do you cherish today?

The Golden Goose

On the way to the Hospital to get a bloodtest, I watched a flock of geese navigate the busy highway. One would expect them to fly across, ascending past the swiftly moving cars that were in their way. Maybe they were lazy, but they chose to walk across. All twenty of them! Chests out, beaks pointing upward.

Obviously if you had to pit a goose -even twenty geese- up against a swerving, angry car, the geese would, in all probability, get creamed. What goose in their right mind would CHOOSE to waddle across a Boston thoroughfare at rush hour! But here they were, sachaying proudly toward their destination, the last patch of green grass in the city square.

I feel like one of those geese today. Chest out, walking briskly towards the hospital. Sachaying towards ….what? Perhaps the odds are not in my favor. Maybe the machine of fate and infertility is bigger than me. But still I’m walking!!! Confronting it head on.  And now I have sisters.I have lifelong girlfriends and my own sister as well as new partners I’ve made on this journey. We’re all golden geese crossing the highway together. Prancing around with our RubyFeathered tails.

There is strength in numbers.

Faith trumps Fear.