Archive for the ‘RubyFeather Social Club’ Category

My favorite post!

So many times, I have wanted to speak to you, to say “I understand…”

I love RubyFeather!

Getting ready for bed. The Bear has been pretty amazing lately, opening car doors for me and chauffeuring me around like a superstar. I feel like a nymphette.

I had a great afternoon with the girls from RubyFeather today! We met at a cafe in Harvard Square and talked for hours. What a fantastic group of engaging, intelligent and dynamic ladies. If you live in the Boston area and are looking for some girl-power and support through fertility challenges or pregnancy after infertility or loss, please consider joining us! It’s like breaking down the fourth wall of anonymity and isolation, and replacing it with face to face friendships and support.

And if you don’t live in the chilly NorthEast, please help us spread the word that there IS support in this area through TWITTER or  facebook. TELL YOUR FRIENDS. We really want to be there for them.

Sending blessings and the best of wishes….


A Secret…

Trying to sit in the moment today. I awoke to the most beautiful snowfall. Well, from the inside of my cozy condo its beautiful. If I was a traffic cop or a manhole worker I might not think so. I guess it’s all about perspective.

The Bear has asked me to stop reading so many blogs right now. I think he has a point, although I really don’t believe in censorship. It’s just that I can be in the most positive and centered place, and then I start reading. I think I wear my soul on the outside because I really FEEL everything and my heart is going out to many ladies right now. I can’t begin to expres how much I feel when I hear someone is hurting.

I wish I could just stay in my grounded place, exhaling deeply, and not wear so much of this on my heart. But Infertility is so hard, and once you experience it you feel somehow bonded with others on the journey with you. Even if you haven’t met them (yet).

I guess that’s why we created RubyFeather. As a way of reaching out.

Someone once asked me why I chose to call this blog Romancing the Stone. It’s not because of the film. I feel that infertility is this dance that you seem to do with yourself. You may have a partner in it (or not) or family and friends for support (or not) but inevitably you feel incredibly ALONE. Sometimes you look at your body as if you are an outsider, examining and judging every nuance, every curve and blunder. But if you can learn NOT to judge it, to somehow love it’s flaws and it’s honest womanliness would you be happier? For a time, after a major fibroid surgery, I was mad at my body. I thought that life would never take root inside it. Now I am trying every day to love it a little more. Whether a child comes into our lives through our bodies and our cells, or through adoption, I know the Bear and I will have a family. I used to think of my uterus as a STONE. A non-living hard stone. Now I try to think of it as a FLOWER. No matter what springs forth from it.

So that’s me today. I am hoping for a day of rest where I can eat matzoh ball soup and wear my pj’s all day and snuggle up with my big Bear. The fireplace is to my left, David Brubeck is playing on the Ipod, and the snow is draping the windows of nearby Victorians outside my living room.

Sit in grace, I hear my little voice saying. Ground yourself. Exhale…..

Wishing you peace and a warm refuge.

The Pink Elephant

It’s so hard to talk around the “pink elephant” in the room. To not put a flag in the sand and proclaim our preggy test results one way or another. Know that I am thinking of you and this is the best thing for my self (my sanity) and my family. I will try to keep posting until we are ready to talk about the pink elephant and not just drop fluffy articles into the blogosphere.

I’d like to say HELLO to all the ladies from cyclesista and that have recently checked out this blog. It means a lot to me that you have dropped bye. I also wanted to thank everyone that has been here before and has come back again. Please leave a comment if you feel inclined, so that I may follow YOUR posts, or just know what’s on your mind….

I’ve been following the message board on RubyFeather and I am so pleased that the ladies in this network are using the website as a vehicle to reach out to each other for support and friendship. It was so important for me to start this Social Network as I feel this IF journey make all of us feel like we are enveloped in a dark and isolated place. But just think of all the energy a and STRENGTH the woman on this journey possess. Collectively, we have so much hope and love to give. We have so much strength, experience and wisdom. How can we channel this for good things, for empathy and girl-power (and humor when we feel bereft)?

I believe that this experience has truly changed me. I am not the woman I was before I started this journey. At times I have lost my  humor and my grace. At times I have felt powerless and lost. Still I have to say that I have found immeasurable strength inside myself during those dark times. I have also realized the depth of my relationship as we have been through such challenges this year, and not just on the baby-making front.

I would not wish this on anyone, but since I was “blessed” with these fertility challenges, I feel that I might as well look at the things it has brought me. I have a new appreciation for SIMPLE things, like sleeping late, weeks without Dr. visits, sex for pleasure and procreation and the “light “within.

Wishing you blessings and the best of luck!

What simple things do you cherish today?

ICLW- We are Here!

Hi Ladies,

For those of you here from the ICLW, there are big cyber hugs here for you! I wish I could be like Oprah and buy everyone a car, or better yet, make your biggest hope come true. I bet if we all put our hopes into the universe, someone will hear us…

When I started this blog. I felt a little like the elephant  from “Horton Hears a Who”, listening closely to that little dustball of mine and wondering if there was life within it. Wondering if anyone would believe or care about my story. Then I met others. Others with similar hopes and dreams, and together we proclaimed “We are here! We are here!”

I have said before that there is strength in numbers. I believe that there is healing and power there too….

I started RubyFeather Social Club in Boston because I wanted to break through that fourth wall of isolation and anonymity  that IF brings,and proclaim “WE are here, and we matter.” I have realized through this group, that women have a wellspring of wisdom and strength, and sometimes that strength grows exponentially when we are together. (If you are in New England, we welcome you to RubyFeather. If you are not, you can join us on facebook…)

We all have different stories, and I treasure reading as many as I can find. Please leave a comment so I can find you in the blogosphere…

No mater what your journey, I wish you the greatest success, happiness and love!


The Golden Goose

On the way to the Hospital to get a bloodtest, I watched a flock of geese navigate the busy highway. One would expect them to fly across, ascending past the swiftly moving cars that were in their way. Maybe they were lazy, but they chose to walk across. All twenty of them! Chests out, beaks pointing upward.

Obviously if you had to pit a goose -even twenty geese- up against a swerving, angry car, the geese would, in all probability, get creamed. What goose in their right mind would CHOOSE to waddle across a Boston thoroughfare at rush hour! But here they were, sachaying proudly toward their destination, the last patch of green grass in the city square.

I feel like one of those geese today. Chest out, walking briskly towards the hospital. Sachaying towards ….what? Perhaps the odds are not in my favor. Maybe the machine of fate and infertility is bigger than me. But still I’m walking!!! Confronting it head on.  And now I have sisters.I have lifelong girlfriends and my own sister as well as new partners I’ve made on this journey. We’re all golden geese crossing the highway together. Prancing around with our RubyFeathered tails.

There is strength in numbers.

Faith trumps Fear.


Child’s Play!

Good news!

blog a wonder_woman

We had our first girl-power mixer for the RubyFeather Social Club last night and it was AWESOME. I never met so many  women who I would totally love to be friends with. It was wonderful to hear the stories of others and share strengths and support. I believe that everyone left energized and hopeful, really feeling this if they had sisters on the journey toward motherhood.

In addition to that I can proudly say I DID IT!  I gave myself the menopur shot this morning. Yes, I was still sweating and a little nervous, but I played some Joss Stone tunes and did a little power dance before I plunged the needle in my belly. Hooyah! I can’t believe it, but I felt EMPOWERED! I had control over something for once. I think I am going to take the syringe away from my husband, and do it myself more often.

On a funny note, the Bear left me the HCG needle instead of my teenie 30 gauge one. I was mixing the solution and getting ready to add the needle when I thought- Cruel joke! What was he trying to do? Kill me???? Once I found an appropriate sharp (a wee dwarf of the HCG needle,) it seemed like child’s play.

A big thank you and cyber hug to everyone who has left me a comment. IT’S HELPING!!!!!

Go ladies go! Let’s make some cute babies around here!